I care deeply for my boyfriend, but one thing that really hurts is how little he expresses his love. He rarely says “I love you,” doesn’t show much affection, and doesn’t offer reassurance when I need it most. I know not everyone is openly emotional, but the absence of warmth or effort from his side often makes me feel unimportant or unloved.
Sometimes I wonder if he feels anything at all, or if I’m the only one emotionally invested. When I try to bring it up, he either brushes it off, says that he “shows love in different ways,” or just gets defensive. I don’t need grand gestures — just small moments of connection, appreciation, or words that say I matter. The lack of emotional intimacy creates a distance that’s hard to ignore.
I’ve tried to be understanding and patient, but I can’t keep pouring from my cup without anything being poured back. I’m constantly second-guessing myself — is it me expecting too much, or is this a real emotional gap? I just want to feel loved, not like I’m begging for crumbs of affection.
I really hear the pain and confusion in your message, and first - you're not expecting too much for wanting to feel emotionally connected and valued in a relationship. Emotional intimacy isn't about being overly dramatic or needy - it's about mutual care, safety, and expression. Wanting reassurance, affection, or simple words like “I love you” isn't asking for a luxury - it's a basic emotional need for many.
It's true that people express love differently - some show it through actions, some through words, some through consistency - but love still needs to be communicated in ways that reach the other person. If his way of showing love consistently leaves you feeling unloved or insecure, then there's clearly a disconnect that can't be ignored.
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Sometimes I wonder if he feels anything at all, or if I’m the only one emotionally invested. When I try to bring it up, he either brushes it off, says that he “shows love in different ways,” or just gets defensive. I don’t need grand gestures — just small moments of connection, appreciation, or words that say I matter. The lack of emotional intimacy creates a distance that’s hard to ignore.
You’re not asking for too much; you’re asking for the kind of emotional presence that makes a relationship feel safe and fulfilling. It is completely valid to want affection, reassurance, and open communication, especially when you are giving so much of yourself. Love should not feel like a guessing game or an emotional drought. If you are constantly second-guessing your worth or feeling alone in the relationship, that emotional gap is very real and worth paying attention to. You deserve to be with someone who not only loves you but shows it in a way that makes you feel loved.
It sounds like you’re carrying the weight of the relationship without feeling it’s being returned, which can be very draining. Wanting love expressed in words or small actions isn’t “asking too much” — it’s about having your emotional needs respected. Some people do show love differently, but if his way leaves you feeling unseen and unloved, that’s valid. You deserve affection and reassurance, not defensiveness. Try having a calm, honest conversation about how this impacts you emotionally, and see if he’s willing to meet you halfway. If not, it’s worth asking yourself if this relationship truly nurtures you.
You’re not wrong for wanting affection — it’s about feeling valued. If his way of showing love leaves you empty, communicate that calmly. If he still won’t make an effort, you may need to ask if this relationship is truly meeting your emotional needs.
You’re not wrong for wanting affection — it’s about feeling valued. If his way of showing love leaves you empty, communicate that calmly. If he still won’t make an effort, you may need to ask if this relationship is truly meeting your emotional needs.
It's understandable to crave emotional connection and reassurance in a relationship; your feelings are valid and deserve acknowledgment. You may want to gently express your needs again, focusing on how certain actions make you feel rather than what he "doesn't do," to encourage open communication.